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filler@godaddy.com
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filler@godaddy.com
My name is Kyle. I am no different than you. Sure, there are actually multitudes of differences but really, we are both mortal humans. I bet all humans could provide a substantial lists of bad choices. I sure can.
I am very fortunate to have parents who not only love me, they have loved Jesus my whole life. I grew up in the 1900’s (specifically the 80’s) and rarely missed church services. My Mom and Dad made sure my sister and I knew what Jesus did for us and they have always prayed for a hedge of protection to surround our lives.
I have some serious issues and challenges that have made my thru-hike of life emotionally treacherous. Some issues could be described as “biological and a big pile of issues could be described as the consequences of a lifetime of bad choices. Nevertheless, the combination of the two had given Satan ample strategies and countless opportunities to lure me away, deceive me and to ultimately separate me from a relationship with God.
At age 54, I was like a frog in boiling water who never felt the temperature rising before it was too late. Small sins turned into bigger sins, casual sins turned into secret sins and secret sins turned into habitual/addictive sins. Over decades, I had become very broken and completely dead spiritually. My lifestyle, my attitude and my mouth had completely separated me from God’s love, protection and will for my life. I was lost. I had become stiff necked, “blinded” and hopeless. I had forgotten much of what my parents had made sure I knew as a child.
Because of this, I woke up every morning a bit sadder than the day before. Nothing was working out. Not one expectation was being met. I can now acknowledge frustration and fear ruled my life.
My precious wife was also severely affected by my spiritual and emotional illness. She completely understands the biological side of a specific challenge I face and tried everything she could think of to help me. She felt hopeless and lived in fear as well.
One fall morning in 2020, my wife left for work (45 minute commute) with me sitting in a recliner staring at nothing. A bit sadder than the morning before and believe me, I was already about as sad as one can get. It had become routine for her to fear the worst. For those that can, read between the lines.
About 30 minutes after she left, I was so desperate that I got out of my chair and got on my knees and begged God for help. I was so ashamed. I was so scared of Him. I had to admit to God I didn’t even remember how to pray. I cried out John 3:16. I said it word for word out loud. I declared I BELIEVE in the sacrifice of your Son and His victory over sin and death through His ressurection. I again begged for help.
I made it through another day. For once, the internet did not consume my day. When my wife got home, I told her that we needed to talk. She agreed and told me she needed to talk to me.
I told her what happened after she took off for work. She had a look on her face that I will never forget. I could very easily describe the look as astonished. She stopped me mid sentence (I talk a lot) and asked me about what time did my knees hit the ground. I told her about 6:00 am.
At 6:00 am, my wife had pulled over on the side of the road and was doing the very same thing.
We both have never been the same since that morning. God came into our lives no matter how despicable we had become, according to His Word. Life did not become easier by any means, in fact for me, it became somewhat more difficult. I had truly repented and the methods I used to deal with my life were no longer as attractive or effective.
The Holy Spirit stepped in. The Helper took over. He has changed me. I used to think I needed to get my life together in order to have Jesus in my life. Man, was I completely wrong. No wonder it has taken so long to find a peace that is hard to describe. This may very well be one of satan’s biggest lies.
As of today, I can say that I was once completely broken, but never again.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old is gone , the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17
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